5.19.2010

Confidential from MTV

Found in a trash can at MTV in NYC:



The Hills spin-off ideas (rejected)

Speidi Sense
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag host a John Edwards: Crossing Over-style spirit encounter show, trying to reconnect celebrity guests with the beloved departed pets (except fish).

The Patridge Family
Audrina Patridge marries (now ex-)boyfriend Ryan Cabrera and they embark on a Giuliana and Bill-style quest to get pregnant.

Lo Life
Lo Bosworth flirts with disaster as she tries to find love while rehabilitating teens in the juvenile detention system.

Speidi Cents
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag host a Suze Orman-style money management program for twenty-somethings and new families.

Stephalupagus!
Stephanie Pratt, dressed as a giant pink mastodon, hosts a children's show that teaches kids to stay away from drugs, alcohol, and carbohydrates.

Jenner Bender
In a Punk'd style comedy show, Brody Jenner's friends take him out and get him drunk repeatedly, then dress him in drag when he passes out. They drop him in an unfamiliar part of town with only a Cricket cell phone and a greasy five dollar bill to make his way home.

Speidi Scents
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag retreat to Santa Barbara, where they try to launch a fragrance line a la Tori and Dean Inn Love.

A Man in Every Port
Whitney Port and her sister Jade star in a Bachelorette-style competition show where suitors attempt to woo both sisters--while they are challenged to avoid giving a rose to the same guy!

The Ballad of Justin-Bobby
On a Kung-Fu-like search, Justin-Bobby rides his hog across America, stopping in small towns along the way in order to commit various acts of unprovoked douchebaggery.

Kell Hath No Fury
Kelly Cutrone oversees the management of a series of mob hits against each former cast member of The Hills in a Running Man-style competition show where there can be only one winner.

5.12.2010

Bloglife Crisis

A few weeks ago, I gave a talk to some writers about, among other things, keeping this blog. I realized I'd been blogging for six years. Not long, really, in the greater scheme of things. But longer than all of my romantic relationships, longer than any one stint in any single educational program, longer than most of the TV shows I love (except Buffy).

I have learned a lot from blogging, and I've been grateful to have been a participant in what blogging has accomplished for poets and the literary world in that time.

Aside from my posts April of this year, I do not know that it has accomplished anything. But with my current lifestyle, daily blogging is not even something I can put on my radar. I would rather read blogs than write them.

Part of this is because I don't read enough books, because I would love to be writing about the books I read.

But other than that, I don't have much to say because I don't really do anything interesting. I go to my job; I go home. That's basically it. There is very little mental real estate left for poetry, much less for my blog, and frankly, I'd rather be watching America's Next Top Model.

So, the blog has been quiet and will likely stay quiet for a while. I'm going to spend some time examining what I can do with this blog--what I want to do. I'll feel better about it when I have some kind of goal in mind.

5.02.2010

Submit!

SEVEN KITCHENS PRESS announces the third annual Robin Becker Chapbook Prize for an original, unpublished poetry manuscript in English by a Lesbian, Gay. Bisexual, Transgendered or Queer writer.

* Prize: Fifty author copies.
* Submission deadline: Postmarked between March 1 and May 15 of each year.
* Eligibility: Open to all L/G/B/T/Q poets writing in English (no translations, please).
* Please note: Two manuscripts will be selected as co-winners of the 2010 Robin Becker Chapbook Prize: one by a writer with no previous book or chapbook, and the other by a writer with previous book or chapbook publication.
* Please read the guidelines carefully; the complete guidelines are posted on the Seven Kitchens site and we are not responsible for other versions of the guidelines that may be posted, in whole or in part, elsewhere.

COMPLETE GUIDELINES:

* Anyone who identifies as L/G/B/T/Q is eligible to submit to the Robin Becker Chapbook Prize.
* The manuscript itself need not address L/G/B/T/Q themes, though such work is welcome.
* The final judge for this year's series is Eloise Klein Healy.

Submit a paginated manuscript of 16-24 pages (not including front matter).

* Include two cover pages: one with the manuscript title, author name, address, e-mail and phone number; the second cover page should have the manuscript title only.
* Include a table of contents page, if appropriate.
* The collection may contain a series of poems or one single chapbook-length poem.
* Include, if applicable, an acknowledgments page for work previously published.
* Please include, on a separate page, a brief (100-150 words) biographical note, including a statement of any previous or pending book or chapbook publication.

The author's name must not appear in the manuscript.

* Collaborative works are accepted. Should a winning manuscript be collaboratively written, the author copies will be shared equally.
* All manuscripts will be blind judged, meaning all identifying material will be separated from the manuscripts as they are logged in.
* Manuscript titles and their log numbers will be posted on the web site [http:// sevenkitchens dot blogspot dot com] as they are received.

Simultaneous submissions are accepted, but please notify us promptly if your manuscript is accepted elsewhere.

* Submissions must be posted between March 1 and May 15, 2010.
* The winning manuscripts will be announced on or before October 15, 2010.
* Manuscript finalists will also be announced, and may be eligible for publication.

Manuscripts will not be returned. E-mailed submission is preferred, but you may send via regular mail.

* If you are sending by mail, do not staple or bind your manuscript; please use a binder clip and mail flat in an 8.5 x 11 envelope.
* Please do not use expedited delivery services; your postmark date is sufficient to ensure your entry qualification, and we will allow 7-10 days for receipt of all mailed entries. Please use First Class Mail and consider spending the money you've saved on a chapbook from an independent press!
* If you are sending by e-mail, please send one document in Microsoft Word format (.doc, .docx or .rtf files are ideal); you must include the words “Robin Becker Chapbook” in the subject line of your e-mail.
* Include a $12 reading fee with each manuscript you submit (multiple submissions are welcome). Checks should be made payable to Ron Mohring, NOT to Seven Kitchens. Online payment may be made via PayPal to sevenkitchens at yahoo dot com.
* Each entrant will receive one copy of either winning chapbook, to be published during the winter of 2010-11. Please let us know if you change your e-mail or mailing address!
* Each co-winner will receive fifty copies of her or his chapbook. Additionally, the publisher will distribute ten review copies and will solicit online reviews of each chapbook.

Send your manuscript:
~by e-mail, as a Microsoft Word attachment, to: sevenkitchens at yahoo dot com; or
~by mail to Ron Mohring, Publisher; PO Box 668; Lewisburg PA 17837.

ABOUT THE SERIES: Initiated in 2008, this chapbook series honors Robin Becker, whose continuing accomplishments as a poet, professor, and mentor of lesbian and gay writers deserve wider acclaim. Becker serves as poetry editor for the Women's Review of Books and is a professor of English and Women's Studies at Pennsylvania State University. She is the author of six collections of poems, including Giacometti's Dog (1990), All-American Girl (1996), The Horse Fair (2000), and Domain of Perfect Affection (2006), all from the University of Pittsburgh Press, and of the chapbook Venetian Blue (Frick Art & Historical Center, 2002).

Titles in this series include Lost Lands by Judith Barrington, Postcards from P-town by Steven Riel, (2008), Inland Sea by Erin Bertram, and Scavenge by RJ Gibson. All titles are kept in print and are available for $7 each; please add $1 for shipping.

ABOUT THE JUDGE: Eloise Klein Healy is the author of six books of poetry, including Ordinary Wisdom, Artemis in Echo Park, Passing, and The Islands Project: Poems for Sappho. Healy's work has been widely anthologized in collections including The World In Us: Lesbian and Gay Poetry of the Next Wave and Intimate Nature: The Bond Between Women and Animals. Her imprint with Red Hen Press, Arktoi Books, established in 2006, specializes in publishing the work of lesbian authors.

5.01.2010

The Cruelest Month

Well, I did it. I made it all the way through April and posted a book a day! Probably not a big deal, but it was tough for me since it was such a busy month.

Thanks to everyone who posted/sent/commented with encouragement and positive feedback! I'd love to see everybody else's lists some day too.

Let's just hope I can blog at all during May.