12.15.2008

My Biography As Told in a Series of Facebook News Feed Updates

1977
Charles Jensen is now online.

1979
Charles joined the group "Bipeds."
Charles turned on his chat feature.

1983
Charles joined the Eagle Elementary network.

1986
Charles kissed a girl, and he liked it. (Sort of)

1990
Charles RSVPed for the event "Moving to an island." So far, 0 of his friends are attending.

1991
Charles RSVPed for the event "Moving off an island." So far, 0 of his friends are attending.

1994
Charles is skipping class for the first and only time!!!!1! w00t
Charles was tagged in the album "Prom."

1995
Charles wrote on Palmyra-Eagle High's wall. "Peace out, bitches."
Charles has joined the University of Minnesota network.
Charles is no longer interested in women.
Charles is now friends with Dorothy.

1996
Charles was tagged in a note: "Alcohol: the cause of and solution to life's problems."
Charles and Marlboro have made it clear on Facebook they are in relationship.

1999
Charles has joined the group "Summa cum laude/unemployed."
Charles is bleeding maroon and gold. And rent money.
Charles now lives in the Downtown neighborhood of Minneapolis.

2000
Charles now lives in the Falcon Heights neighborhood of St. Paul.
Charles is no longer friends with snow.

2001
Charles became a fan of saguaro cacti, Sparky the Sun Devil, and sweltering heat.

2002
Charles is writing and reading poems.
Charles and Marlboro have ended their relationship.
Charles became a fan of yoga.

2004
Charles was tagged in the album "Hot Pants Halloween 2004."
Charles has updated education info: MFA Arizona State, 2004.

2005
Charles posted a link: Little Burning Edens.
Charles was tagged in the album "Hot Pants Halloween 2005."

2006
Charles has welcomed Arden to his family using the Dogbook application.
Charles updated education information: MA, Nonprofit Studies, 2008.

2007
Charles joined the group "Gay Retirement: 30+"
Charles sent a drink to Beau using the Smooth Seduction application.
Charles is moving to a new apartment for the 17th time since 1995.
Charles now lives in the Avalon neighborhood of Phoenix.
Charles was tagged in the note "New chapbooks from New Michigan Press."

2008
Charles is ready to be done with school forever.
Charles tagged Arden in an album: "Moving to DC."

10 comments:

  1. How great, CJ. Now I feel old.

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  2. this is great. i may have to steal it using the theft application.

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  3. Clever, clever, clever.

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  4. You should publish this.

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  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  6. GASPS! You left out becoming part of the LW family.

    ;-p

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  7. This is genius. You really should publish this.

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  8. You forgot, "Charles joined the racist, bigoted, frustrating group PEHS" - left group as soon as Charles was able"

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  9. This is very entertaining.

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