I Wish I Were

...a filmmaker.

This is probably a no-brainer: you are, after all, reading a blog called kinemapoetics, but yes, there was a time when I thought that a filmmaker's life was the life for me. It was my undergraduate major, which is why I know suffer from contant-film-on-the-brain syndrome and why I'd rather see the world through lenses, even if now that's just through my glasses.

Good poetry and good cinema leave me feeling unlike anything else: changed, really. After undergrad I spent two years of soul-searching to decide if I wanted to do advanced study in film or in creative writing. It was a difficult decision, but in the end, I was more attracted to the solitary work than the hyper-collaborative world of filmmaking. Yes, there are too many people on a set for me. I couldn't imagine trying to coordinate all that...

...but that doesn't mean I don't still think of myself as a frustrated filmmaker, or that I wouldn't be interested in doing very small, shoestring films at some point. Will I ever? I'm not sure. But, there's always the dream...


  1. For the longest time, I wanted to be a composer. Majored in music comp for about a month when I first got to undergrad, as well.

    Good poetry & good music are the two that leave me feeling like nothing else.

  2. right there w/ ya, buddy. i went to film school, too. i think i will end up making some shorts that have been trying to claw their way out of my head for a while.
    i know i've asked you before, but don't recall an answer--how do feel about cocteau's work?

  3. I've only seen Beauty and the Beast, I think, and that was recent. I liked it. It was a little slow, but I really enjoyed the sense of magic he brought to his fillmaking.

    I was really into the French New Wave in college. I think my favorite film would be a tie between Truffaut's Jules & Jim and Varda's Cleo from 5 to 7.

  4. you must rent (or put in your queue or whatever) 'blood of a poet'. since you're all into poetry and junk--cocteau really explored not only the limits of film, but its relationship to personal mythology and poetry.
    there are movies that are better--jules and jim is probably one--but i've never seen a film that has such singular vision and mythos.
    then go read 'le livre blanc'--just add it to that precarious tower of books (or read it in about an hour its really skinny).