1.25.2006

New Words for 2006

Thought some of you wordsmiths (or office drones) out there might appreciate this as much as I did:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps allover everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing the boss' butt rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The Anna Nichole show or the Bachelor is a prime example.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" (meaning that the requested document, like the person's brain, could not be located).

GENERICA: Features of the North American landscape that is exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitious flatulence while passing thru a cube farm, or any other public place, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust (this often leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING).

And lest we forget: ANAL GLAUCOMA: Used as an excuse for not showing up for work. Translation "I just couldn't see my ass coming in to work today."

5 comments:

  1. Charles: thank you for this. I just about died laughing. Dean too.

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  2. I particularly liked: BLAMESTORMING; SALMON DAY; MOUSE POTATO & CROP DUSTING!! Funny stuff. Thanks for the laugh!

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  3. Nice words, but they aren't new. I used "blamestorming," "salmon day" and others on your list in my 1999 story "The Silicon Valley Diet", later the title story of my 2000 collection.

    They were floating around Silicon Valley when I lived there 8 years ago.

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  4. Thanks for this--I told my boss I performed a little percussive maintenance on my voice integration system just this morning, and she was properly impressed.

    Word Recognition: itclue (the anti-404?)

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  5. I think I'm a stress puppy. Dammit.

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