I was reading through your Handbook for the Recently Deceased. It says live people ignore the strange and unusual. I myself am strange and unusual.


  1. What are your qualifications?

    Ah, well.I attended Juilliard. I'm a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT... NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY... NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I'm qualified?

  2. P.S. Charlie, I think you'd be comfortable at my house. Did you know that 8 out of 10 of the Giant Surfer Children are absolute film freaks? 3 of them just left for LA film school, and 2 are in Vancouver for same. The rest are busy writing screen plays. My son wants to go to Vancouver next year and he will if I can find the 30K to send him. Half of them (or more, I lose track) are gay and the other half are odd. Maybe 3/4 are odd. No, I think they're all odd. And wonderful. They're all your age. Drop by some time. I think you'd feel right at home. They'll lead you to the water though, and expect you to surf.

  3. Rebecca, it sounds perfect. And I've always wanted to learn to surf.