6.22.2005

The Real(er) World

MTV's REAL WORLD PRE-QUALIFYING QUIZ
Now the standard in choosing cast members

1. Do you drink alcohol?
2. Do your friends have a sassy nickname for you?
3. If you answered yes to number 2, do you they call you it to your face? (add four points for a yes)

4. What is your IQ? (If IQ is greater than 78, please put down your pencil and leave the testing area immediately)
5. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
6. Do you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend?
7. If you currently have a boyfriend or girlfriend, how many would you estimate you have right now? (Including today)
8. Add four points if you cannot currently list the names of all your boyfriends/girlfriends.

9. When you drink, do you drink to get drunk?
10. If you answered no to question number 9, please put down your pencil and leave the testing area immediately)
11. When you get drunk do you often have "spells," "lose time," or "black out"?
12. Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex? (Minus four points if you are, in fact, gay, bisexual, or beer-gay)
13. Would your parents disown you if they saw you kissing someone of the same sex on cable television?
14. Have you ever beaten anyone while drunk?
15. Have you ever been treated for alcohol abuse or experienced an "intervention" or "tough love"? (If yes, put down your pencil and leave the testing area immediately)

16. Describe yourself in three words:
17. Add four points if one of the words you used in number 16 was "hot," "experimental," or "laid-back." If you used these three words, proceed directly to the Real World house in __________ (city).

18. Are you a virgin?
19. Is it on purpose?

20. How many things have you done in your life that you truly regret?
21. How many of those things still make you cry?
23. If your answer for number 21 is less than 4, please put down your pencil and leave the testing area immediately.

24. Are you a member of a strict religion, a commune, or a cult?
25. Add seven points if you are Mormon or Scientologist.

26. Would you call yourself an angry person?
27. Have you ever been told to "calm down," "chill out," "step off" or "back the fuck up, bitch"?
28. Has the world committed any fundamental injustices against you or "your people"?
29. Would you like to kick the world's ass, even if it meant having to live with six strangers, kicking each ass individually?
30. Check here if you are from Philly.

31. Are you a member of an ethnic minority?
32. If you said yes to answer 31, please indicate which minority/ies here:
33. If you indicated "white" as your ethnic minority, what is your political affiliation?
34. Please check here if a member of your family is the Unabomber.
35. Please check here if you are the Unabomber.
36. Please check here if you are Puck.

7 comments:

  1. Charlie!! This is hilarious, thank you, thank you, thank you. xo

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  2. I am *still* laughing. Just thought you should know. ;-)

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  3. This is so wrong, and yet so right.

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  4. You forgot "If you currently have a boyfriend/girlfriend, would you still be willing to make out with a housemate on national television? Would it in fact make you more willing?"

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  5. Oh Charles: this was hysterical. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself.

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  6. I saw this and chuckled, then last night I was channel surfing and stumbled across the new season of TRW (I didn't even know they were showing the new season yet). The ten minutes or so that I watched made me think of this quiz and laugh even harder as I watched half of the kids get falling-down drunk and the other half whispering to each other about which cast member they wanted to sleep with (and whether said cast member would dump her boyfriend first or what).

    Oy. Every season I swear I'm not going to start watching the damn thing and will just follow it via Television Without Pity. But I keep getting sucked in!

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  7. Thanks, all. The new season just seems like a charicature of past seasons...minus any compelling stories.

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